It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
