Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
