Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
