Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
