i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
