I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
What a dumb baby whore.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Someone signed my nipple.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
