walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
