And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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