Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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