so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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