Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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