so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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