Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
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