Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
