Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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