The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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