Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
