the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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