Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
