Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
