Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
false alarm, still single
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