I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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