i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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