I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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