today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
