I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
