I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
