I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
