i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
