my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
