Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
