i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Do vagina's smell?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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