once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
