I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
