Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
