When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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