you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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