He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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