Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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