When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
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