he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
