You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I think my vagina is haunted
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
