I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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