the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
