i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
