She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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