we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
