my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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