My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
