OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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