dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
